GIRLS, GIRLS...YOU'RE BOTH PRETTY




The pre-season is a time for starters to lean back, for role players to demand contract extensions, for coaches to sow the seeds of future ulcers and for undrafted young dudes to consider the pro's and con's of playing in lovely Macedonia. But every once in a while the pressure cooker gets pressureized, despite being several weeks away from true-balling time.

They're already feeling the tension in Sacramento. It's been an uneasy off-season, what with Chris Webber letting pretty much all of his teammates names ring out, scoffing at their lack of heart, and then Peja Stojokovic demanding a trade due to caught feelings.

But nobody was a bigger victim of Webb's diatribe then Bow Hunting Brad Miller, the Triscuit forward/center that Kings aquired before the beginning of last season. Sayeth the rustic yet poetic big man in re: Chris Webber's constructive criticism?

"All I want to say is (expletive) that. (Expletive) them. (Expletive) everybody. That's (expletive)."

Webber also had little to say on the subject. "I don't even want to get into that, but you can quote me on this. Believe half of what you read and none of what you hear."

Oh word, Webb? I heard that when you arent' busy trucking around Tyra Banks' Fendi full of Zoloft, you're hanging out on the elbow, with a gimp knee and a tear in your eye, praying to God that nobody tries to box you out, lest you get a nasty toe-stinger.

And speaking of hard-bodied individuals...



Two truly grizzled warriors, Ray Allen and Kobe Bryant, have been taking off their jewlery and applying the vaseline (no McGreevey), in a war of words. It started when Ray-Ray absent-mindedly questioned Kobe's "leadership" skills in the press. Bryant, always the bigger man in these situations, reportedly called Allen's cell, leaving a message culminating with the promise to, "bust his ass."

The NBA season begins Nov. 2nd.