Thursday, December 16, 2004

YOU'LL BE WEARING A BLACK SUIT A LONG TIME



A Univesity of Florida education. It is the stuff that bench warmers and real estate agents are made of. One thing they apparently don't teach on the manicured lawns or under the flourescent lights of UF is self-preservation, because last night Raptors forward and UF alum Matt Bonner--the dude his teammates affectionately call, "Opie,"--stared death in the eye.

As his Raptors team approached the home stretch of a game with the Timberwolves, a game they would eventually win, Bonner made a hard foul on Kevin Garnett, sending him to the ground. According the Last fucking Mohican, KG: "It was a hard foul. That didn't even spark me until I saw him pointing into the crowd like he's some enforcer."

When Matt Bonner, a man who told the Raptors website that he would like NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE TO PLAY HIM IN THE MOVIE OF HIS LIFE, started feeling his own gangster a little to much, he was rather abruptly pursued by both Garnett and Latrell Sprewell. Even Rap's coach Sam Mitchell had to laugh

"I think his life flashed in front of his eyes when Latrell Sprewell and Kevin Garnett went running at him."

Matty tried to front to the press after the game,

"Never in a million years did I expect to be ejected from an NBA game in the fourth quarter, with two of the greatest players in the league coming for my throat. My life wasn't flashing in front of me, [because] it just seemed so surreal."

Ok, Tuffy. We all know next time the Raps and Wolves man up, dude's face is gonna like my Mom's back in March of 1990 when I came in skipping into the house with this tape in my hand...



Welcome to the Terrordome, Opie!


17 Comments:

At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dunno about any of the other stuff but KG is the person. what a guy

 
At 4:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

black guys=death?

methinks charles bronson just clawed his way out of the grave, caught the last bit of sportscenter and posted...

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger Hawaiian Sophie's Ex said...

Methinks the sight of Garnett and Sprewell coming after you would be an equal opportunity thrill.

 
At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

methinks 'equal opportunity' probably holds more than rhetorical meaning for both of them.

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger Hawaiian Sophie's Ex said...

That's true. Either way, I'm talking more about Matt Bonner's deathwish. Effing with Kevin Garnett seems like a bad personal health move.

 
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

KG is harder than the hardest man you know

no joke, i hear when he goes into IHOP he dont order up no pancakes, he rocks the belgian waffles. no joke.

 
At 1:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

he's got a point, black men being especially scary is like kinda a deep touchstone in this society

it always troubles when its used as a trope.

see that black man, he's going to beat you down bc he's so tough and scary (ie, he's black)

its cool though man, dont be mad atchurself Chris

 
At 1:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and really, in most of the world, Opie is scary as hell bc he's coming up to them with a M16 and a big armored vehicle

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger Sean said...

Ha, Billups! Sociological drama all up in it.

 
At 11:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to wonder if KG has turned all Chuck Norris this season because he regrets pussing out after Anthony Peeler dropped a bow on his head in the playoffs last year.

 
At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what do james montgomery and my man matt bonner have in common? both uf alumnus. don't step.

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger Hawaiian Sophie's Ex said...

Ha! When Gators attack. My bad.

 
At 5:58 PM, Anonymous The Generals SG said...

WTF philly webber where's the shit dude?

 
At 1:39 PM, Anonymous Cosmo said...

Bullshit, KG is a puss, Anthony Peeler showed us that. If he can't take Anthony Peeler what's he going to do to Matt Bonner? Great player, but tough guy he ain't.

 
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