Friday, October 31, 2003

I've been down with this hoop shit since Tim Dog was on Ron G. #10 (hold your head, Anthony Yayo!). And the young Jedi has a certain way about him. Double-Double in your second pro game. Still nice to see that Ricky Davis, despite playing with Air Magic Pistol Reloaded, is taking the time to chuck up 25 shots (including 8 from behind the arc for the Antoine Walker Shooting Academy grad. Bravo!).

There is no "Ricky" in "team." If Cleveland could find some GM with an Oxy habit to take Davis' Chuck Person Karaoke Act in return for some folding chairs and sixer of Schlitz then they could have an outside shot at the outside of the playoffs. (Are you listening Utah? I'm sure Matt Harpring and Ricky Davis would get on swimmingly)

Lose Ricky. And then you got DaJuan Wagner (once he gets his pancreas right), LeBron running tings, Darius Miles flying around and maybe flirting with a respectabe field goal percentage (be the ball!), and Carlos Boozer to do that dirty like under the bed dirty work.
Let us never forget: the East is doo-doo.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003


Rick Carlisle is apparently real good at teaching things like spacing and ball movement and footwork and all the other shit they taught us at ol' St. Joe's basketball camp, usually while I was scratching my ass and staring at the ceiling waiting for the three point drills to start (because your boy has mad range!).
I digress.
Lawrence Legend has a lot of small forwards at his disposal and perhaps he will trade one of them. That's up to him. Right now, he's got Jamonit Tinsley at floor general, Reggie at 2, Paxil Artest at the swing, Jermaine at 4, and Stone Temple Pollard at the center. That and Kenny Anderson coming off the bench and paying child support to Spinderella will get them 2nd place in the Central. To reach their full potential, Al Harrington will have to avoid blowing out his knee, and Jon Bender (holy shit isn't that Judd Nelson's name in Breakfast Club?) will have to be on some, take it to the next level shit. Step Up Your Hoop Game, Dunny! Austin Croshere wants some clock!

My man my 'Melo, get on the mic cuz you don't eat jello. Denver just might have a squad that lives up to the legacy of Alex English, Doug Moe, and Olden Polynice (IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?). Nene and Nikki (aww) went back to their homelands and got all beasted out eating bowls of steel all summer, Jon Barry is in the building with the hopes that the thin air halts his balding , and Dre Miller and Carm may just have this squad flirting with the playoffs. If Marcus Camby can avoid spontaneously exploding, and Rodney White can hit a jumper hither and yon it may very well be on and popping in Colo.

In the name of Keith Van Horn's injured groin

I do believe it's on.'Tis the season for Pat Riley to continue to be the patron saint of the Van Gundy clan, for Eddie Griffin to smoke mad trees and shoot at his girlfriend. 'Tis the season for Kobe and Shaq to compete in the Asshole Olympics. And 'tis the season for all of us to pray to the ghost of Dave DeBusschere that we get a Sixers/Wolves Finals.
Dreams are free, motherfucker.
Here are just one Irish-Jewish man's opinions on the upcoming campaign.
Feel free to tell me that I am on drugs and that Carmelo Anthony is just Adrian Dantley without the Isley Brothers tapes.

My astute observations:

They Shootin'! The Wiz will win the Atlantic. Word to Rosario Dawson. They've got more talent then the Nets and more depth to leg out the season. I obviously think Gil Arenas is the truth. But I also happen to be bonkers about everyone else on this team. Larry Hughes is back playing the 2. If Kwame fits into Eddie Jordan's system he could put Kenyon-like numbers up. They've got crazy shooters (soemthing Jerz really lacks (Jarvis Hayes Rookie of they Year (I SAID IT!))). And if all else fails, they've got Maryland's Nat'l Championship Backcourt! Juan Dixon! Steve Blake, Son! Fuck a Heinrich!

I truly think that with the loss of Antoine "I Wake Up Every Morning Under The Assumption That I Am The Second Coming Of Bernard Fucking King" Walker, I truly think that Extra P will raise his game to, like, Jesus level. Vin Baker is 12-Step-Dieseled-Out (remember, he once had game before he met that evil man, Johnny Walker!). Besides in the East, where a man with one kidney is considered the pre-eminent center, Raef is looking like the White Olajuwon!

GGGGG-UNIT! Ok, by using my patented By-Subtracting-The-Thing-That-Made-Them-Good-They-Might-Get-Better-Theory (check for the book at Christmas! It's the new Moneyball), I think Mo' Better might get these dudes to act right. They lose the combined 800 years and 326,000 pain relief injections per night of Scottie and Sabonis. But check it out: Zach Randolph, after beating up on Summer Leagues for most of the century, is starting, and everyone says his shit is wired tight. So tight that Rash is playing the 3 now. They've shaved off enough of the bench so that people like Bonzi, Damon "I'm not a starter I just puff a lot" Stoudamire and Derek Anderson now get the minutes and touches they've been asking for. And don't sleep on Qyntel Woods!

Guess what? You're the new Utah Jazz. Congratulations. Webber and Bibby are the softbatch version of Stockton and Malone. Brad Miller is a hayseed who will probably get his ass handed to him by people like Danny Fortson on a nightly basis. This would be the exception to the rule (the rule being By-Subrtacting-What-Made-Us-Good-We-Get-Better theory (study your darts, herbs!)) They lost Hedu and Jimmy Jackson and reloaded with...Anthony Peeler?! Tony Massenburg!?