EVEN ROY JONES...
Random notes from the Indy/Detroit on Christmas Day (while eating potato salad, napping, and polishing off a Yuengling six pack)
-First off, what the fuck is up with the slow-mo, black and white montage of the Pacers/Pistons brawl, accompanied by Coldplay's, "Clocks." Because who among us, when presented with images of Jermaine O'Neal caving in someone's head, is not thinking of the real tender ivory tickling of Chris Martin? ATTENTION ESPN: IT WAS A BAR FIGHT. IT JUST HAPPENED TO TAKE PLACE IN A REALLY BIG BAR...A REALLY BIG BAR THAT HAPPENED TO HAVE A BASKETBALL COURT. I mean, Jesus Christ! Indiana is a dry state on Xmas day, kids. Throw on some Fabulous Thunderbirds and let's get to wrasslin!
-It wasn't but 30 seconds into the actual broadcast of the game when this tool up and opened his pie-hole:
Truly, nobody in the continental United States deserves a visit from the cockpunching robot more then Tom Tolbert. While commenting on Jermaine O'Neal's 15 game suspension, Double Tee proudly offers up that he had also had 15 game breaks in his storied 7 year career. But those vacations were due to him being flat out benched because he was a slow cracker! Tolbert continues to make several jokes about the fact that he was a sub-mediocre hoopsman. Does anyone else wonder how the hell this qualifies him to comment on the game of putting the ball in the basket? Like, if I used to drive a bus, and then I kept crashing the shit...I wouldn't then become a public expert on bus driving! Yaoming?!
-Tolbert's two bon mots for the day were, "Fred Jones can flat out score," (which is flat out untrue) and memorably, "REGGIE MILLER AND RIP HAMILTON ARE A COUPLE OF GREYHOUNDS OUT THERE!"
-I swear to God, Ronald Dupree is like the Zelig of the NBA. He must be playing for 4 teams at once. Everytime I turn on a game he's got a different uniform. (ed. note-this was the potato salad talking. ron has only donned chicago red and detroit blue)
-It's always interesting to hear what the NBA arenas are pumping over the P.A. Apparently Punjabi MC is taking Indianapolis by storm. It's a spritely curry-flavored jam with an up and coming MC by the name of Jay-Z! Be on the look out for that kid, he'll go far.
-Watching Detroit play offense is like watching old people eat.